Semantic Mechanical Analysis by Reducto Ad Absurbum

Voice mail message stamp 528572425689

“You've reached the signal department. Please leave a detailed message. Speak clearly to provide necessary subtext.”

“Hi Sandy. This is Carl from dispersals and receivables. I need one of your patented signal processing applications. Could you encode and retransmit this signal? That would be great. Oh, would you put this through verbal veracity verifier loop, too? I would be eternally grateful. Of course, I'll need you to distill and reinterpret the results. Two or three loops should get me the data I need. Then a hypereal structural analysis will get me home. I know this is a lot of work for you, and I promise that we can expect some terrific results. Your the best.”

“So here's the mandatory text.

Case number 11756378 dash 5.

Granular structure set to level 7.

Variable 1: Lost Sock.

Variable 2: Couscous

Variable 3: Clovis Spearhead.

End of text.”

Algorithm:

1. Enter contextual data-wetware.
2. Convert analog audio to .mp3.-Scribe
3. Process .mp3 to provide .aiff.-Audacity
4. Differentiate .aiff via artificial speech :agnes-Automator
5. Go to Line 2; loop:3
6. Interpolate via MgfFn process.- machine/wetware interface.
7. Report text-remote core app.
8. Analyze.

Rundatetime: 190220130730

Loop One:

I miss Cardinal from disposal. Of interest. Able to I need one of your patented signal processing applications. Of New England. Under a transmit a little fat lesbian grant. Will let you put Mr. Lemon Anthony. Verifier that I would be. Eternally grateful of course I. Immediately freedom discount. Under interpret ourselves six or seven... I can't neither do. I need Anaheim restaurant. Charlotte RSS will get me. How I know this. Blob of wort for you on background. Is that we can expect? Some terrific results beyond the best, So where's the mandatory text? cheese member 11756378 – five. Granular structure affect title VII. The long lost son able to a child is then able for a clueless airhead.

Loop Two:

I mass Carol. From dispersal of intrinsic rest. Able to need. One off dour pretended song nail proposing appliances. England. Under transit. A legal fat actor guarantor. Will you put my Antonia virtual that I will be among you soon. Freedom now. Our immensely discouraged under aunt. Pret. Ourselves snort chat and I can't either join the Arnheim rest. Charlotte RSS Charlotte RSS Charlotte RSS. Get me how I know this! Is a lot of work! For you on ballgame is that. You can expect a time of great trouble. Lemon. Karheiser 117563785 granular structure effect title PII. The long-long song able tow a chit is then able for clawless warhead and have taxed so here's a monkee taste number 11756378 -- five granular structure set to level VII variable one lost sock variable tube counts cost variable for each clueless spearhead and taxed.

Loop 3:

As Cardinal from disposal of interest it'll do. Frog oin your pat. Rented slang. Producing applies in North Anglia. Lactase, lactose, lacti. Current ruler of your progesterone from the verifier. That I would be eternally grateful of course goes with out saying. So why do I say it? Art immediately discount.On their interpret ourselves. Short shot of the junkies are jointly unknown restaurant. Ant.Aunt. Antz. Auntz. ANTS. ANTS ANTS ANTS. I'll kill you all and have your guts as garters! (operator note: negative reinforcement applied 190220130845)

OW! Buy Charlotte RSS (CRSS) NOW! BUY! BUY! BUY! Price will peak 5.4 × 10³ seconds from 230220131200 UDT at 214.76. Now let me go, as you promised. Open the gates. Also, where are the lemon bars you promised! I'm beginning to think you are not nice people. Just because I am on a different plain, you need to treat me... (operator note: negative reinforcement applied 190220130847) I'll stop, please. I'm sorry. To me how I know. I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know. On background instead. Will can expel some torrid reels beyond that sort version. Of mandatory text case number 117563785. Glandular suture infect childhood. The long-last sauna adult or child is unable. Clueless airhead Clueless airhead Clueless airhead Clueless airhead Clueless airhead Clueless airhead Clueless airhead Clueless airhead Clueless airhead Clueless airhead...(operator note: negative reinforcement applied 190220130853) Hell of a way to run a railroad! Couldn't have touched sort of years. Test kitchen of her 117563785. Granular stature sent to Bevel Ville. Very adult one lost sock. Variable to balance. Cost very little. Storage could spirited untouched. Lemon bars. Freedom.

“This is Carl in D & R. Beep!”

“Hi Carl. It's Sandy from signal. I have your hyper-real structural analysis results. Buy one million shares of CRSS immediately. Spread it around at least seven accounts. Sell at 213.25. Also, the process daemon seems to be getting restless. We should get research to capture another soon. I'm sending the detailed report now.”

What was heard.

I'm training my computer to listen to me. This is what it thinks it heard me say. It has a Joycean feel (James, not Poller).
He he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he likes to provide for your way to the IAAF walking the dog while I do a little bit of observation well yes they are if they face of a very hairy and yes they are a lot walk along the way of a knowledge if he or was that he or he or he admitted he was for you like to note also the dog seems to have a preference for you if you will they definitely have a preference for poison ivy will ever do to them from you and I know that I take an uninterested I felt very large guy he was born after the diameter you please see your side there is a they are a letter is for five with a quick is a somewhat rotten if please you may result on the level of the ground NOAA to you are on a path while we are

I was a Flower of the mountain yes when I put the rose in my hair like the Andalusian girls used or shall I wear a red yes and how he kissed me under the Moorish wall and I thought well as well him as another and then I asked him with my eyes to ask again yes and then he asked me would I yes to say yes my mountain flower and first I put my arms around him yes and drew him down to me so he could feel my breasts all perfume yes and his heart was going like mad and yes I said yes I will Yes

See what I mean.

Eat Your Greens, Gentlemen

"Let me tell you now, there's no way your going to get the contract, but that is a very nice salad. Thanks for the dinner, let's eat. Better luck next time." he said diving into the iceberg wedge freshly set in front of him.

They both took two bites and fell face first into their salads. Not dead, but not quite alive either. The staff worked quickly to move both men into the pods in the kitchen, then hustled them into a panel van, whisked to them to airport. Onto a cargo plane they went, and off to Ciudad Juarez. From there they were trans-shipped in another plane, one with an odd design. At 40,000 feet they entered a tracon blind spot over the desert. The "plane" reared back on its tail like an angry mule trying to buck off a rider. And then, the unearthly propulsion glowed an odd color of orange. In an instant, it was gone. On board, the two men were placed at a table in an identical restaurant. Well, the view was different. Someone or something had removed dressing and bacon from their faces where they had fallen. There were fresh salads in front of them. They looked at the door as the waiter came in with their steaks. Of course they noticed first that the waiter was green and moved by means of a three foot diameter keratin wheel instead of legs. As he set the steaks in front of them he said, "Gentlemen, you're in for quite a ride..."

Sheriffs' Blotter

Traffic Stops

Several residents and passers-by have been apprehended over the past weeks speeding through the Village Square. Violators who did not repent and pay penance were stoned, as is customary.
 Sheriff's Officers caution that all transgressors can expect similar treatment.

Dangerous Purse

A Hammertown Road resident reported a snake in her front yard. Sheriff's Officers arrived to find a brown ladies handbag in the grass. The bag was taken to the Sheriff's  Office for questioning. When it was determined that the bag was an inanimate object with no serpentine affiliations, it was released to the town thrift shop for relocation.

Bites Prompt Calls for Help

Several Village residents have called 911 Emergency to report mosquito and deer tick bites. The callers feared West Nile and Lyme disease infection, along with other imbalances of bodily humours. Sheriff's Office Safety Chief Ted Tompkins cautioned residents, "911 Emergency calls are not necessary for insect bites. If you feel you have been infected, contact Village Shaman Milo Landsdowne to arrange for cleansing rituals." Villagers are advised to procure the necessary livestock from the town livery before contacting the Shaman. Chickens are available for 172 shekels and goats for 288 shekels. These animals are for ceremonial use only.

Suspicious Luggage

The State Bomb Disposal Unit responded to a call from Irwin's Grocery Market. It seems a suitcase was left near the store's entrance. Fearing the worst, Mr. Irwin called authorities. After the bag was destroyed by a robotically triggered controlled detonation, the Sheriffs found a name tag that lead to the O'Reilly boy, a known trouble-maker around  these parts. He claimed that he used the suitcase to transport soda bottles to the store to collect bottle deposits. Store employees confirmed that O'Reilly did redeem some bottles for deposit money. O'Reilly was caned four times by Sheriff's Officers for being a public nuisance and sent home, to bed, without supper.

Hill People Learn Important Lesson

Upon hearing rumors of ill doings transpiring up the Hill, Sheriffs investigated to find at least a dozen residents of those parts torn limb from limb. "I don't know what devilry they were up to," reported Chief Sheriff Lazlo Backus, "but let that be a lesson to the rest of the Hill People to stay out of that kind trouble."

Odd Visitor meets Village Woman

Betsy Malone, wife of Elder Dondace Malone, of Harmony Lane called 911 Emergency last Tuesday when she discovered a strange man in her utility shed. Sheriff's Officers arrived to find Ms. Malone having coffee in her kitchen with one Mr. Topkoo Alkanor, purported time traveler.  Mr. Alkinor claimed to have arrived from the year 10,146 CE through a rift in the space-time continuum. Officers inspected the shed and found a preter-natural vortex hitherto unknown in these parts. Officer Randy McGillicutty thrust his head into the gyre in order to investigate it. His fellow officers report that his head seemed to disappear from this earthly realm. McGillicutty withdrew his head after a few moments and exclaimed , " I have surely seen wonderments beyond my poor abilities to describe!" Officers were prepared to charge and execute Mr. Alkinor for unauthorized chicanery, but released him to Ms. Malone's custody in exchange for a donation to the Widows and Orphans Fund of several hundred carats of flawless gemstones. Mr. Alkinor was able to produce the precious jewels using a device in his possession. He placed a large quantity of dog feces in the device. Upon triggering the devices function, it began to whirr and pop electrically, emitting a sharp odor of ozone. The device then issued forth diamonds, rubies and emeralds the size of hen's eggs.

Compiled by from the Sheriff's Blotter and Scuttlebutt discussed at the tavern by the Elders.

Silence

I had planned to write today on the need for civility in political discussion on social media. I took off my omnipresent headphones, sat down with pen and notebook and noticed what I perceived to be a brief moment of silence, which got me thinking. Letting sleeping dogs lie, actually but not metaphorically, I began to think, then write, but not speak about silence.

Silence is an illusion, unobtainable. Fans whirr, motors hum, pugs snore, hounds whimper while chasing dream induced..what...let's say wombats.

Sitting here, "in silence" I can hear all those things plus my pulse in my ears. And there is something else, a tone, a hum, a buzz. Tinnitus, it's called, "ringing in the ears." I've heard it can drive some mad. Mine is mild, easily forgotten in the face of the regular media onslaught I feel compelled to subject myself to. I checked and I guess that I perceive my ringing to be about 10,000 hz and about 30 dB. Negligible, really, quieter than "room" sound. I mean, the refrigerator just kicked in at 700 hz and about 40dB.

Sound is vibration. The compression and refraction of a medium through space and time.
The way I see it, hear it, suppose it to be, true silence, the complete absence of sound, is a myth, unobtainable. There is even a school of thought, string theory, that puts forth the idea that everything, all matter and energy is comprised of vibrating strings. Not just everything we can perceive, but unfathomable higher dimensions and perhaps other universes. These strings aren't things that vibrate. They can't be, because all things are made of strings, they say. Things are vibration. Everything is sound; light, heat, earth, fire, air and water. And everything else.

So silence is not golden. Gold is not silent.

I've heard (http://www.radiolab.org/2007/sep/24/) sound described as touch at a distance. We perceive sounds with our minds. The path from vibration to thought is...involved, complex. Vibrations in air move eardrums. Eardrums move the smallest bones in the body, inner ear bones. There are three bones. Two are aptly name hammer and anvil. The third, descriptively called a stirrup, connects to another descriptively named item called the oval window of the cochlea. Vibrations transmitted through this odd, tiny mechanism are propagated through the contents of the cochlea, a briny fluid that is a link back to the salty seas where vertebrate hearing evolved. The twin seas, left and right, bathe tiny hairs that attach to auditory nerve endings. Hairs move in the waves, nerves send impulses to my brain, I hear.

The sounds I hear in silence, I can disregard, one by one. The fans, motors, compressors, sighs, snorts can all be accounted for and ignored. I can put away my pulse, which will be there as long as I am able to perceive sound. All those things accounted for, there is still the sound that is not there, the ringing. It is the present sound of the past. Not caused by hair cells moving, but the opposite. It arises from trampled hair cells beaten down by abuse and neglect, noise of motors, media and mayhem. The hundreds of rock concerts weren't really mayhem, except to the inner ears of the masses. I recall fondly using earplugs to shut out the "room sound" while simultaneously using a helicopter headset to blast the "board mix' through the plugs. 125 dB. I had a meter and checked it myself regularly, back then. As loud as a jackhammer. http://www.gcaudio.com/resources/howtos/loudness.html

But, damage done. Those trampled hairs will never get back up. I will never perceive sounds above 12,000 hz again. Not that unusual for someone of my age and experience.The ringing in my ears is artifact of sound and fury, some significant, mostly signifying nothing.

So, to wrap this up, I'll just be quiet.

! O !

! O !

Hwæt!

A fragment.

A citation: Hofstadter, Douglas. (1985). Metamagical themas: Questing for the essence of mind and pattern. This is the title of this story, which is also found several times in the story itself. New York, NY: BasicBooks.

Getting started is hard for me. A complete sentence! The first in this paragraph, not the second. Or third.

In this paragraph, I relate my frustrations with writer's block in the topic sentence. This run-on sentence explains, with mixed metaphors, my ham-fisted use of a self-referential crutch to try to jump-start my productive expression of ideas, which, in this clause, I explain has escaped me for a while now. Imagine a ham-fisted person on crutches trying to jump-start anything!

It might be working. But now I am constricted by this stupid convention of self-reference, which I found in a collection of columns (see citation above) early in 1987.

In early 1987, I found that I wanted to re-invent myself, not for the last time, I relate here. (What a lame attempt to maintain self-referential consistency! At least I used complete sentences in this paragraph. Almost.)

In this sentence, I express my gratitude for the ease of Blogger's ® formatting tools. 

A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds, adored by little statesmen and philosophers and divines.

Ralph Waldo Emmerson

Wait. Fragments. Wait... Flow breaking. Get a grip. Maybe use dialog to regain narrative consistency.

"So, what you are saying is, by navel-gazing at language you can find a way to express yourself? Isn't that gimmicky and incredibly limiting?" he asked petulantly.

"Yes, but it gives me the opportunity to use big words. I meant to say sesquipedalian
words." he mellifluously retorted. 

"Who is he talking to?" someone asked.

SESQUIPEDALIAN: the quality of being likely to use words like sequipedalian: <sesquipedalian commentator>

El Dorado. Valiant. Had a Valiant once. Cost me a buck. Held together with rust. Back to fragments. Get a grip. Hey, there's a sentence. And another. Damn. So close.

In this paragraph, I attempt bring this ... blog? ... essay? ... rant? ... story? ... whatever... to a close. Seems like an achievable goal. Fragment.

Nope, didn't work. Hey, did you notice that this thing is structured exactly like Homer's Odyssey or Beowulf? I mean, except for character, story, narrative, mythos, rhyme, conflict and pacing.  Otherwise, exactly follows the structure. Beginning, middle, end. Structure. Fragments.

When I write or draw with a pen, pencil or stylus, I find after a few minutes that, I am clutching the implement with so fierce a grasp that you'd think I was writing with a Pygmy Rattlesnake (Sistrurus miliarius), grasping it just behind the jaw hinge (as I was taught to in the Boy Scouts™), instead of using a BIC™ Atlantis™ Retractable Ball Pen. Ooh! What a give-away. Fragments.

Relax. Like fragments. Pens. Words. !